she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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