He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
