i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
