then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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