No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
