God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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