I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
