I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
