dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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