if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
