i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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