Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
