just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
