Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
