i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
