Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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