Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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