I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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