flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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