If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
