My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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