$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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