I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
