im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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