DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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