the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
