my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
