i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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