Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
