the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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