I faked an abortion last night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
