proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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