My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
