You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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