About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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