i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
