Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's get the cat blown out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
