have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You dont lie about slip and slides
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
