you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
