After last night, I could never be a politician.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
