I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
