Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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