I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
