Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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