im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
