I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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