do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
