Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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