just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
