People in love make me want to vomit
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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