i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
