i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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