He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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