shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
